Is there a middle ground between all and none?

I have a family member – my only nephew, who has been through an opiod rehab. He was living in a sober living house until last week, when he was kicked out for failing his drug test.

I believe his sister was enabling him (and she’s agreed not to do this anymore) with marijuana vape cartridges over the Christmas break, when we were all visiting. Ideally, we would have been celebrating the holidays, but instead we were gathered around my sister’s hospital bed. His mother, my only sister, had a brain aneurysm and scheduled surgery on the 15th of December. The surgery took two surgeons 14 hours to complete. They described removing this aneurysm like scraping bubble gum off of tissue paper. My sister has double vision and is having to re-learn a lot of things, like balance.

It is no wonder the kid had a relapse after a year and a half of being sober.

My mother is catastrophizing the situation, sending me texts saying that he is sabotaging his life, that he needs so much help but he is cutting himself off from it. That is not untrue, but is it where we need to focus?

As for marijuana, I’ll say it is for sure easier to give up than opiods. In some circles, it is considered harm reduction. If you have to do something to ease your psychic pain, perhaps weed is the better choice.

As for my nephew, I am pretty sure he is holding down a job, and paying rent at his new place. I have faith that he will figure it out, and I pray that he makes good choices everyday. I am both part of the problem (I smoked weed sneakily in his basement back when he was in High School) and I am part of the solution (I am sober now and I read the One Day At a Time in Al-Anon daily devotion, because what else can I do?).

When I shared this post with my brother, he suggested I share it with the nephew. I hesitate, because I don’t want to be another enabler. We’re all grown ass adults, having to make our own decisions. I try not to influence in the wrong direction, but it may be too late for that.

It’s all relative, I suppose.

Special thanks to Colin Davis for the featured free photo from Unsplash