Reading advice columnists has always been amusing to me. When I was little, I’d turn directly to the Dear Abby section, near the classifieds and the funnies, and today (although online) I do seek out Dan Savage, and a few others. Slate’s advice columnist for the Care and Feeding piece was a huge disappointment to me, however. Being a first time reader to the Care and Feeding column because it designed for parents (which I am not,) I held off in making a (public) judgement. But now, after making it a point to read a few more of that writer’s tips, and having thought about it with this piece sitting in my drafts folder, (note, stuck in my craw) I’m ready to say my two cents.

The query went like this: A gay couple who did not yet have children was writing in to address a problem they did not yet have: How to keep the cannabis edibles, which are packaged to look like candy and appeal to children, out of the hands of the children — he signed it —Concerned Cannabis Consumer in CO

What annoyed me most was this condescending tone in the answer.

“Dear CCCiC,
At last, an easy question! Here’s an excellent rule of thumb: Don’t have children until you are mature enough to give up edibles that look like—and in fact are (also)—cookies and candy. You can have your candy back when your children are grown. In the meantime, find another way to ingest your weed. (Or, you know, give up getting high for a while. People have given up a lot more for the sake of their kids.)”

Easy question? You must not be a smoker. Clearly, you’re a parent. I don’t won’t judge. Instead, I will give the couple the advice they deserve: this.

Look, I’m not tryna parent, but I’m also tryna not be a hypocrite. I mean why not lock it up, be discreet, when the kids are young. As they get older, educate, don’t shame and hide. Talk to your kids about what kinds of things life is going to present to them, and teach them about the choices you’ve made, and why.

Some suggestions: be ready for the conversation, when your kids are old enough, (which is maybe as young as 4 or 5, really, IMHO.) With my dope smoking parent friends, we’ve always had code words for when we’re allowed to partake anywhere near the children. While camping, for instance, daddy and a few people are gonna go do a safety check – you kids stay here at this campsite with aunty sylvia for about a half an hour…

Code words and discretion, and then, revealing what it truly is: medicine, recreation. An annebriate. An alternate state of consciousness. A deliberate choice, with intended consequences.

Going to college in Santa Cruz, I knew dope growers with kids who knew early on what they couldn’t say in school, what wasn’t acceptable to bring to show and tell.

I ultimately took her advice, in that I didn’t have kids myself. I guess never matured enough to give up my vice, my panacea. But it is bad advice. Maybe I should do a survey among all my dope smoking parenting friends, to get a better read on a stoner’s reality. Surely there are lots of parents out there who can keep their kids safe from their weed consumption. The columnist’s answer was condescending and narrow minded, and I think there is a new generation out there, raising kids responsibly, but also partaking. Interested in being a respondent, parent or not? Leave a comment, or direct message me, follow this blog or reach out and let me know.